A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 026

Fresh Hopes For A New Year

1. That the publisher will vanquish the adverts invading this column and buy Star Market chuck eye roast at $1.57lb.

2. That the editor will get through the year without cutting a story in the middle of a

3. That the typesetter will continue the trend of making eros lss oftfen.

4. That throughout 1983 these articles will appear shortly after being submitted.

Doctor Seamus, I Presume

Seamus Sprague of Meaderboro Road has been a very wild dog indeed. A close encounter of the fur kind (bobcat), reported in a past column, failed to curb his roving ways. A couple of weeks ago, intimating the urgency of a call of nature to his guardian, Kelly the Hatless, he bounded out the back door. It was a call of nature, all right, but not the one Larry anticipated. Seamus sped half a mile across country to where a neighbor's pedigree Labrador bitch was penned in her compound. Intermission for a night visiting song:

It's open the door my ain true lover

Open the door, aye, and let me in,

For I have traveled a lang, lang journey,

And I am drenchit tae the skin.

And with a mighty leap, our hero, Seamus, landed himself and Larry Kelly, in a real sticky mess. Hell hath no fury like a compromised pet owner. The latest news on this delicate subject is that after a family whip-round raised the necessary $55, Seamus was taken to the vet. He weighed slightly less on his return.

Big Jeff

The Chicago Bears may have the Refrigerator, but the Community Center basketball team is the proud possessors of the Oven, Jeff Smith, for it is he who has all the bulk, speed and agility of that piece of kitchen apparatus. However, a gloomy Boondock Butt, watching the team flounder against a strong Dover Rec. outfit, muttered "The Oven? How come he don't get hot once in a while?" Perhaps he will. Jeff and the rest of the team will be playing their home games in the Town Hall gym on Sundays at 2:15 p.m. Your support would be greatly appreciated.

Sweet Surprise

Farmington Police Department responded last week to a call from a citizen who reported a bomb on her doorstep. The agitated householder explained that after hearing a suspicious noise late in the evening, she investigated, and discovered a mysterious and threatening package left outside her house. The police toyed briefly with the idea of placing the box in the back of Archie Corson's truck, but, instead, courageously opened it. A tray of chocolate-coated cherries came into view. Hard luck, Archie!

Color Blindness

In the school library, Mary Stone is currently hard at work in the section that holds the younger children's books. At present, these works are catalogued and filed alphabetically by author, making it difficult for some readers, especially those who canít read, to return a book to its correct position. To overcome this, Mary has given each letter a color code, and now the spine of each volume on the shelves will bear some combination of colored tape. And so another nail is driven into the coffin of chaos.

Henry's Day

Vice-president Henry Wilson was born near the Country Club in Farmington in 1812, and 173 years later, almost became famous by having a road race named after him. Unhappily, this event was called the Nute Ridge Half Marathon, instead, and poor Henry remained in obscurity until 1986 - year of the Henry Wilson Winter Carnival! This illustrious event is being hosted by the Farmington Country Club, and sponsored and organized by Farmington Business Association, Parks and Recreation, and the Davidson Rubber Social Committee. It will be held on Sunday, Feb. 16th, from 1 to 5 p.m. By a remarkable coincidence, this turns out to be Henry's birthday. Posters will shortly appear, trumpeting this afternoon of family fun, and will give details of the many activities and competitions slated for the carnival. Meanwhile, keep that day free.

Ramgunshoch's Day

The Farmington Robert Burns Appreciation Society (membership 1) is hosting its 2nd annual supper to commemorate the poet's birthday, Jan. 25. The Immortal Memory will be given by Mr. Eck Elliot of Cape Cod. Guests, mainly of the traditional music fraternity, will attend from throughout the New England area. I append the 1st verse of an epitaph Burns wrote for himself. It would serve equally well for Seamus Sprague: Reader attend! Whether thy soul

Soars Fancy's flights beyond the pole,

Or darking grubs this earthly hole

In low pursuit,

Know, prudent, cautious, self-control,

Is wisdom's root.

Note: Off Strike (See opening broadside.)

Jan. 21, 1986

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