FARMINGTON CORNER

A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 090

Farmington goes bananas

The Peter Tosh Memorial Breakfast, held recently at the Dock Square Restaurant in downtown Farmington, was an astonishing success (with no disrespect intended towards the late Mr. Tosh). The food was particularly noteworthy, and the 50 brave customers who dared to have the special were delighted.

The spinach was sauted with onions and done to perfection. The Trenchtown dumplings were exquisite, and the fried green bananas, which Betty Mros had previously attacked with an axe, were a gourmet's dream.

A one-hour long video film, imported from Jamaica and called Peace Treaty, favorably reflected the singular talents of the deceased, and other Rastafarians no longer with us, like Bob Marley and Jacob Miller.

A capacity crowd showed up to pay respects to Mr. Tosh, who was perhaps best known for his album entitled "Bush Doctor." Jeannie Blinkinsop-Blinkinsop was there in wooden beads, and a hippy lady in purple wig was still recognizable as Farmington Business Association chairperson Sandy Canney. Beulah Thayer was present, tapping her feet to the drumbeat of Sly Dunbar, and checking out the plates for library gerbils. But the crowd was by no means confined to local celebrities ... those in attendance included a Spaniard, and even someone from Cape Cod. Among the famous faces turned back at the door for lack of available seating were closet-Rastas Mr. & Mrs. Paul Pease and septic-Rasta Kerry Vickers. Unfortunately, the unpredicted volume of business did create a few minor bottlenecks in the kitchen, and when Bob Marley sang on the video "How long must da people wait?" several hungry diners joined in the chorus with conviction, and yelled "400 years!"

Haile unlikely

Q. I wish to remain anonymous. What is Rastafarianism?

A. It is defined in Webster's as "a religious cult among Jamicans that teaches the eventual redemption of blacks and their return to Africa, employs the ritualistic use of Marijuana, forbids the cutting of hair, and venerates Haile Selassie as God."

Q. Who?

A. Haile Selassie. The Lion of Juday. Emperor of Ethiopia. A guy who abolished all political parties, and got dumped after mutiny, strikes and demonstrations.

Q. Hmm. And the Rastas like this dude? Are they on drugs?

A. Yes. (But the music's good.)

Q. I may or may not be a barber. Will this spread to Farmington?

A. Relax. I knew a tonsorial artist in Portugal once who survived on four shaves a day. Ate sardines and drank cheap wine. But you've got no worries. Puddledock is the epicenter of the Baldy Haircut.

Gardening News

An enormous controversy has sprung up around the planter tended by Gardener of the Month, Ronnie Dumont of Dumontskees, and, in particular, the raging debates have focused on a plant at the northern end of his eight-foot long box. Is it Solanum Tuberosum as reported last week, and the result of an abandoned Vinnieís french fry? Yes, say some botanists. No, respond others, heatedly, and give their vote to Lycopersicon Esculetnum, the common tomato. As evidence, one scientist recalls, over his Bud, seeing a discarded BLT among the marigolds in early July.

Nor is this a straight two-way argument. Other species that have been suggested as fitting the bill include, with supporters in brackets, Green Banana tree (Trenchermen), marijuana (Optimists), Slipper Orchid (Supreme Optimists), and Scots Thistle (Mr. Ramgunshoch). Why not give your 2 cents worth - c/o Holly, Dumontskees, Main Street, Farmington N.H. Don't delay, vote today.

Library News

Dorinda is of the opinion that the gerbils are unlikely to be converted to provender, by virtue of their age, Very old and tough, she says. Would have to be simmered overnight in a crock pot. Sounds like you're safe, buddies.

Are you taking advantage of this wonderful local facility, the Goodwin Library? Some people certainly do. Down in the basement, when I called last week, three or four people were busily tracking down ancestors by means of the Farmington News. The library has every edition printed form 1879-1971, with invaluable lists of hatches, matches and dispatches. However, the library trustees should give serious consideration to putting the newspaper onto microfiche, to conserve forever, these, the only copies left in existence. Once they fall apart itís all over, and no matter how carefully the pages are handled, damage through perspiration absorption is occurring.

Library News II

Who, in Farmington is 0000000007? It turns out to be Melissa Bailey of 9th grade, and not an international spy. The high school library, in contrast to the Goodwin, is cruising towards the 21st century, by becoming more and more computerised. Each pupil now has a library card with a 10-digit I.D. number, which can be read by passing a light beam pen across the face (of the card, not the pupil, that is.) It cuts out much of the laborious filing that hitherto attached to the task of a librarian, and delivers a myriad of useful statistics at the touch of a key. Hey, maybe with this new system, they don't need their microfiche any longer.

Footnote

Congratulations to wee Jessica Vachon of Gray Avenue, who was recently voted 1st runner-up at Rochester Fair. Jessica made a step in the right direction when she wowed the judges with her tap dance routine. She now has a toehold on fame. (Shoo! - Editor)

Ballbouncing news

A reminder to adult ballbouncers that Farmington Men's League will hold a meeting on Thursday, Oct. 15 at 7:30 p.m. in the Community Center. All interested parties call 755-2405 or 755-9990. New residents especially welcome.

Big help

The Town Players are hard at work, building the set and rehearsing the lines of their production of Last of the Red Hot Lovers, slated for Oct. 23-25 in the Town Hall. They have been greatly helped in their enterprise by a generous donation of lumber from Cameron's Garden Center, enabling them to build scenery that will serve not only this play but many more in the years ahead.

Having watched the rehearsals, I can say that this is shaping up to be a hilarious show, with stupendous performances coming from Larry Parent and his supporting ladies. Can anyone assist Larry by loaning a large jacket? We're talking blue. We're talking BIG.

Oct. 13, 1987

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