A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 126

"Henry II, Part Two

In last week's Farmington Corner, it was proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Vice-President Henry Wilson has come back to live once more among the honest, decent people of the town which gave him birth. Showing an example to all by toiling from sunrise to sunset in Farmington Appliance Center, fixing stoves and freezers, Mr. Royce Hodgdon (for that is his chosen pseudonym) has become known to his admirers in recent days as Henry the Second. Not everyone, however, learned the truth from the Rochester Courier - there are other sources!

Scene I: Just off Route 153, near Farmington Country Club, a trio of knowledgeable historians crawl on their hands and knees around a large stone. They clip grass and brush pine needles that have encroached upon the chunk of granite marking the birthplace of Jeremiah Jones Colbath, Henry the First. After this task is completed, the scholarly gentlemen attack the neighboring undergrowth with sharp instruments, and as evening draws nigh, they have managed to create a clearing, from the middle of which rises the majestic Henry Wilson Monument. They toast the object of their labors with non-alcoholic fruit punch, and their eyes arise heavenward to alight upon a hovering star, wondrous bright.

Scene II: And lo, the star that the three Wise Men saw in the north, went before them, and led them down Peavey Hill until it stood over a multitude of stoves and freezers. Verily, they waxed joyful, and when they were come unto Farmington Appliance Center, they saw the man known as Royce Hodgdon, and fell down before him saying, "Master, we know thou art Henry the Second." And they presented unto him gifts: marigold, geranium and fir, and these they placed around the stoves and freezers that their beauty might multiply ten thousand fold, and ease the wrath of Fitch the Health Officer who hath lately become exceeding fired up at said multitude of stoves and freezers.

Then the man known as Royce Hodgdon was moved unto his heart, and spake unto them, saying, "Want a Bud, fellahs?" And great was their confusion.

Selectmen’s meeting

An exceptionally long meeting occurred last Tuesday, and a full text of this five-hour extravaganza may be obtained by writing to Pam c/o Town Hall, Farmington, N.H., U.S.A. A large number of requests is not anticipated at this time, even although Mr. Rancourt, the Mobile Home King was present in person, and made utterance. (Remember to enclose five donuts and a diet-free pepsi for shipping and handling.)

A public hearing was opened with regard to proposed charges at the dump. The selectmen suggested that a fee of $1 should be levied on all truck and motor vehicle tires brought into the landfill. From the public benches, Citizen Nolan, inquired whether the full fee of $1 should be applied to bicycle tires, to which Road Agent Clark Hackett replied that: "A tire is a tire."

Nolan conceded this point almost at once, but followed up with the supplementary question: "What is the penalty for a citizen caught secreting a bicycle tire inside a truck tire for the purposes of avoiding a fee?" However, the selectmen felt they were going round in circles and moved on to stumps, one of the root causes of the landfill problem. This business, it was determined, will now go to Bernier & Sons of Middleton.

Metals were then discussed with John Scruton taking the lead, and with contributions from others present including suntanned Police Chief Barry Carr, a bronzed copper. After everything was ironed out, the selectmen announced a fee of $5 for each appliance that citizens take to the dump. At least I zinc it is $5 per item - any more and I am sure that Mr. Royce Hodgdon's inventory of stoves and freezers will be mysteriously increased during the hours of darkness. No parts of motorized vehicles (except tires) will be accepted. These must be taken to Madbury in future, or welded into artistic sculptures, or cut up into exceptionally small pieces and hidden inside large appliances. But this is a risky course to plot, and if caught, you will have to steel yourself to bear the anger of the top brass. I wouldn't give a nickel for your chances. The authorities will show no mercury...(cont. on Page 94)

Grange News

Henry Wilson (the First) Grange #205 at a recent meeting honored a citizen who has done much for the community. Their 1988 award was bestowed upon Welfare Officer Trudy Pence for her devotion to the elderly people of Farmington. In the citation is mentioned her successful effort to have Central Block apartments available at affordable rents, and she is praised for her work with the senior citizens’ lunch program. I would also mention her sterling voluntary work for Farmington, during a short but intense period, as Dog Officer No. 3.

Mrs. Pence, the guest of honor, listened while the lecturer read the story of her life, and then she was presented with a corsage by Grange Master Ralph Russell. Fred Howard of Crown Point Grange sang "How Great Though Art."

Selectmen's meeting (again)

From P. 94 … and then a lengthy debate ensued on the subject of town of Farmington Landfill Permits, known to their friends and foes alike as Dump Stickers. Mr. Clark Hackett gave an eloquent account of a truck penetrating the dump's outer defenses of minefields, heat sensors and moat, and confronting the gatekeeper. This stalwart fellow refused to raise the portcullis, however, as the vehicle requesting entry was not displaying a sticker on the windshield. Much rattling of sabres. Reinforcements moved up. Attacker driven off.

The selectmen decided to further strengthen the defending forces by mandating that all dump stickers must be firmly stuck to the windshield of vehicles to which their registration number refers. Glove compartment stickers are null and void. Giving the public a fascinating glimpse of the future. Mr. Scruton said the day was not too far off when solid waste disposal would have a bigger budget than police. Does this mean that the town landfill is going to construct a Star Wars type shield, or confine itself to riot gear, rubber bullets and CS gas? Be sure this column will rush you the rumours.

Geology News

On Tuesday, 22nd June, at 2 p.m., Main Street School Geology Club will hold a party for members at the home of Trace Brown, courtesy of her mom. The menu is expected to be as follows:

Stone Coal Soup

Gneiss Salad


Tuff Stew

And for dessert, a choice of Layer Cake or Rock Candy

This is sure to blunt the sharpest Apatite.

… Meanwhile...back at the Selectmen's meeting, Mr. Gerry McCarthy, a member of Farmington School Board, made a request that a police officer afix a padlock to the new tennis courts, on a regular evening basis, during the season that they are open. He had already been rebuffed by Police Chief Barry Carr, regarding the police performing this chore, but Gerry felt that as an officer was supposed to check the school premises at least once during the night, this task could be accomplished at 9 p.m. or whenever the night cop was free, with little inconvenience.

A heated debate ensued with vigorous opposition coming from the chief who felt that it was an inappropriate duty, and that the police would be blamed if they had been unable to snap the padlock in place due to other calls, and the courts were vandalised in the interim.

Mr. Berry suggested that it would be a useful public relations exercise; Mr. Silvia recalled when the police used to sound the 9 p.m. fire alarm; Mr. Nolan recalled with moist eyes when the police would cheerfully open the town hall on a Sunday morning for basketball players.

The opposition remained intransigent. Finally, a motion was made by Mr. Silvia, seconded by Mr. Berry, that the police should carry out the job of locking the courts up for a trial period of 30 days, to see if it was practical.

June 21, 1988

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