A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 131

Right place, wrong time

ATLANTA, Georgia - WOOOF, the New Hampshire-based action group dedicated to vaulting a forgotten U.S. vice-president back into the lime-light, brought its show to town July 23 with the aim of persuading delegates gathered for the Democratic National Convention to take up the cause.

However, when top WOOOF officials arrived at the prestigious Omni Conference Center, and discovered that the convention had wound up on the previous day, recriminations flew.

Wilson-Out-Of-Obscurity-Forthwith supremo, John Nolan hurled accusations of bungling at his Georgia state chairperson, Walter Harris of Decatur, who immediately countered with allegations regarding inept leadership. Placards were brandished, but no blows struck. Superficial unity was restored by Maine state chairperson, Candace DeLisio, when she pointed out that a large number of staff associated with the Democratic Convention were still milling around the plush-carpeted lobby of the Conference Center.

The devout contingent of Harry Wilson supporters regained composure, and staged a small but dignified parade for the benefit of those conventioneers who were yet remaining - the furniture packers, cleaners, and security guards. Surprisingly, the affect upon the audience was not one of awed respect as WOOOF had hoped, but rather that of incredulity and amusement, which Nolan attributed, ruefully, in a later interview, to the slogans on the placards.

"The American voter just doesn't seem to take puns seriously enough," he lamented, "all they want is the same tired old rhetoric!"

A significant success was recorded, nonetheless, when a Mr. Will Dewey stepped from the crowd with an offer to be WOOOF's Alabama chairperson. During his Welcome Aboard speech, Nolan made reference to Dewey's lapel badge that indicated support for Dukakis and Bentsen, and informed an astonished Alabama chairperson that Henry Wilson was none other than Lloyd Bentsen's great-great-uncle. Nolan went on to say that he had hoped to offer the Vice-presidency of WOOOF to Senator Bentsen in person at this time, but due to bungling at State level, this had not proved to be possible. He hoped that Alabama would display a little more efficiency than Georgia. This sparked another spirited brandishing of placards ...

According to Nolan, as this article goes to press, some 44 state chairs remain to be filled within the WOOOF organization, and interested parties with a demonstrated record for efficiency are invited to apply to fill these high-profile positions. Prior knowledge of Henry Wilson preferred but not essential.

State chairs presently occupied are: Texas - Senator Benson (officially pending); Massachusetts - Alec Elliot; Georgia - Walter Harris (iffy); Maine - Candice DeLisio; Colorado - Scotty Redfield; New Hampshire - John Nolan; Alabama - Will Dewey (possibly fictitious).

All enquiries regarding the above should be addressed to WOOOF, c/o Nolan, 27 River Road, Farmington, NH 03835

Additional information: Vice-president Henry Wilson was born in Farmington, NH in 1812, and the town, for its part, has named an annual horseshoe tournament in his honor.

August 7, 1988

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