FARMINGTON CORNER

A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 140

More food for thought

Since the exclusive news last week that Farmington Democrats were preparing to sail the political seas, with a new captain and coffers swelled from the proceeds of spaghetti banquets, a warning shot has already been fired across their bows.

Brad Bowden of Farmington Volunteer Ambulance Corps is the man who touched off the cannon, and as chairman of the Division of Imagery, Advertising, and Public Relations, (D.I.A.P.R.), he has written on the subject to Farmington Corner. DIAPR, in fact, is a very apt acronym for his division, considering the rash statements contained in his letter.

Brad had merely intended to announce an impending spaghetti supper on Feb. 25, which the Ambulance Corps aim to cook up as part of a fund-raising drive to buy a new vehicle. But now, Pasta Master Bowden feels that spaghetti has been tainted by dint of association with "radical left-wing Willie Horton sympathizers." He, nonetheless, hopes that public support for this project can be engendered, while simultaneously "protecting the right wing members of the Farmington Ambulance Corps."

To prevent a schism in the readership, and a drop in spaghetti consumption, let me expose some of the errors in Brad's thinking.

Farmington Ambulance Corps is not composed of members with a single political viewpoint. Independents and Democrats are there too, hopefully with a doubled passion for spaghetti, in the case of the latter.

Radical, left wing thinkers, such as Mr. Ramgunshoch, hold no truck with Mr. Horton, and regard his like as superfluous to society. This puts them quite a distance away from liberals, with whom Brad may have a legitimate grievance.

Radical, left wing thinkers completely support and register solidarity with their brother and sister ambulance volunteers.

Radical, left wing thinkers respectfully wish to point out that only in America, and a few obscure third world countries, do ambulance volunteers have to sell spaghetti in order to have the means to convey sick people to hospital. Even in right-wing Thatcher Britain, that idea would be considered bizarre.

However, the reality is that in the U.S.A. one must eat spaghetti to buy an ambulance. Therefore all Democrats, Independents, Laroucheites, Republicans and Marxist-Leninist-no-good-commie-swine like Ramgunshoch, are urged to attend the Farmington Safety Building between 5 - 8:30 p.m., on Saturday, Feb. 5, and gobble up pasta. Adult tickets are $4, tickets for six to 12-year-olds are $2, and children under the age of six are free.

Henry Wilson News

The Wilson Out Of Obscurity Forthwith (WOOOF) committee, of which I am proud to be president, has been dealt a cruel and savage blow by the kinder and gentler weather that has afflicted America since last Election Day.

Due to a lack of snow, the annual Henry Wilson Winter Carnival, slated for Feb. 12, has been postponed, and consequently, Henry has been prodded even deeper into obscurity. Speaking from her Parks and Recreation bunker, last week, director Linda "Zeke" Ghareeb promised that if a decent storm comes along, a date will be fixed for the carnival later in the month.

Buoyed by this news, snowshoe and skiing experts from the Courier staff throw down the team gauntlet, once again, to their couch potato counterparts at Foster's. They note, however, that since issuing the first challenge, Democrat writer Patricia O'Conner has given up her Farmington beat and fled to Dover.

February 6, 1989

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