A continuing tale of life in the boonies

No. 205

The Firemen's Bean Supper (without any beans)

(Tune: Ramgunshoch’s Rant)

1. In the fall of each year, Farmingtonians cheer,

For the firemen’s bean supper, the biggest around,

But in ’92, it was quite a to-do,

For the pesky darned things didn’t cook in the ground,

There was no way of knowing, ere folks started showing,

Beans bake or they don’t and there’s no in-betweens,

So when there’s no plateful, it’s hard to be grateful,

The bean supper blues are invoked by no beans.


2.  A political crowd was complaining out loud,

‘twas the first time in months they had seen eye to eye

Two Natural Law men were flapping their jaws when

Fulani’s Alliance chimed in with "Aye! Aye!"

The Democrats shouted, Republicans pouted,

The only folks happy were tree-hugging Greens,

They praised the solution to airy pollution,

A firemen’s bean supper without any beans.


3. World traveler Meyer was a bean ticket buyer,

When they told him the news he let out with some flak,

And pined for Arabia, where there was maybe a

Chance of fried camel or tasty date snack.

"I’ve been to Sri Lanka and seen Casablanca,

But this is much worse than those Third Worldly scenes,

My plate’s bare today in the U.S. of A.,

At the firemen’s bean supper without any beans."


4. That hardworking codger, Garbology Roger,

Had worked up an appetite fit for a lion,

By snatching up wrappers from Royce’s to Bubbers,

And so for a pile of hot beans he was dyin’.

Tho’ the sad situation wreaked some with starvation,

By hallucinating (a wonderful means),

Roj clearly saw food -- what a quick-thinking dude,

At the firemen’s bean supper without any beans.


5. The ladies of FED-UP tried hunting some bread up,

And sent for two cod sticks, a desperate plan,

But five loaves and fishes don’t fill scores of dishes,

For miracles only work now in Japan.

So sadly the throng waited hungry and long,

'til Deputy Joel Plante suggested a winner,

"Begone with this sorrow! All come back tomorrow,

Instead of bean supper, we’ll call it bean dinner."


Presidential news

I can exclusively reveal that Bill Clinton ain’t all that smart. Back in January, during his presidential primary whiz through Rochester, I was chatting with an aide and mentioned that "Clinton" was the answer to No. 9 across in the current Courier Prize Puzzle entitled "A Superfluity of Statesmen."

"Oh," said the help, "Bill loves crosswords," and she bore off a copy of the paper containing the puzzle, promising her boss would solve it in a trice and return it for a chance at the 10 bucks prize. Hmmm! We’re still waiting … and that doesn’t bode well for him solving Farmington’s economic woes.

Poor Farm Expressway news

An octet of Winding Path guerilla kids met this week to discuss ways to thwart or forestall the advance of government road widening forces.

Three missives will be dispatched, one to Town Administrator John Scruton, the second to the Planning Board’s Butch Barron, and a third to the editor of the Rochester Courier. Wider roads, the letters will point out, increase traffic and make life tougher for pets, local wildlife and kids heading for school. They also sense three years ahead of mess and more litter.

Such a wonderful exercise in civics, one confidently predicts, will help fill one Letters to the Editor column and two waste baskets.

However, in an act of civil disobedience (more fun – though fruitless in facing the monolith) yellow ribbons could get tied to all kinds of trees. After that, who knows, it could be blow pipes …

November 12, 1992

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