Things have been moving so rapidly on the Christmas tree front that the following update may well be irrelevant in a few hours...but for the record, here goes.

Firstly, there was the tree donated by Cameron's to the Farmington Business Association, which got stuck halfway up a pole and launched a thousand poems. Poems like this one from Mabel Amsden, an older citizen who fell in a "non-shoveled drive" last week.

Mabel, when not throwing shovels, is a regular contributor to the Puddledock Press.

The tree also induced the birth of this 30-line monster from an anonymous source:

Yes, the tree did come down off its pole, following an F.B.A. huddle, sensitive to public amusement and poetry competitions. The group took up a kind offer by Walt and Bunny Clifford of Orange Street of a tree growing on their lawn, and arranged for the road crew to cut it down and re-erect it on the Square. Two anxious days past, with the road crew tied up with a snow storm and an orgy of sanding, but when they were clear, they set to work on the new tree, with a right good will.

I passed by as they were pneumatically drilling out a hole to accommodate the stump, and smiled at their friendly cry of "There's Wonderboy! How come he ain't doin’ this?"

When they had finished, Sandy Canney of the F.B.A. congratulated them on an excellent job, but before she could ask if the crew would attach the lights, the crew upspake and said, "We ain't doing the lights."

Sandy of the F.B.A. called Judy of the F.B.A., Judy called her sister in the Town Hall, and she called the Water Department. The Water Department lent a bucket loader and Joel Plante of the Fire Department attached the lights. Then a man, who was working in the bank, hooked them up to a steel light and on they went. A magnificent multi-department effort and a great show for two nights.

Then a vandal ripped 'em all to bits.

Back went the F.B.A. into a huddle, and came out fighting. Sandy's husband, Carroll, and Donny Howard relit the tree, and it twinkles as I type, Donny and Barry Elliot hung decorations from every pole in town, and Union Telephone strung the overhead lights. God rest ye, merry ladies and gentlemen!

Biff (inquisitively) - How come you go up $300 on uniforms?

Chief (defensively) - Well, there's hat covers...

Biff (explosively) - Why do you need hat covers when you don't have hats?

Chief (helpfully) - Some of it’s keys.

Biff (incredulously) - Keys! What keys?

John Scruton (between bites of banana) - The dump!

Etc. etc.

Last week, the typesetters put "or antipodean fortune", which was better than the previous "for antipodean fortune." Still not correct though. It should be "of antipodean fortune". That's O for Ophthalmic and F for Failure. Keep plugging away, ladies, you'll get it eventually.

Criticism has been leveled at this column for concentrating on undesirable types! Hmm. I never report from Judge Nute's court unless Smokey Lapanne is appearing. Police logs are never quoted. Rumor, scandal and controversy is avoided, so what is left? Ah yes! On occasion persons are mentioned who have quit school prematurely. Folks who rent apartments in a poor part of town, own only a few sticks of furniture and sleep on the floor. People who occasionally have a beer in Kristies, and whose parents have never owned a car. These seedy characters do lower the tone of a column ... trouble is, that I personally have to plead guilty on all of the above counts.

The new principal of Main Street School, Dr. Hoffman, is appealing to someone in the community to donate a couch of folding bed. Dr. Hoffman only recently moved to Rochester from Massachusetts, but denies that the furniture is for personal consumption. (Lucky you, doc!). She intends to improve the sick room facilities in the school. George Kourkounas, a teacher at Farmington in former days, has returned to Main Street to replace Elaine McLean, going out on maternity leave until June. George, too, has rented an apartment in a poor part of town. Hey! Maybe the area's going up. Must tell the hollerers!

The Community Center will be closed on the Dec. 25, but will be open from 9 a.m. on all other days throughout the Christmas vacation. Badminton will be played on Tuesdays, 23 & 30, during this period.

Christmas Tree of the Week was, without doubt, Clarence Garnett. Clarence had a starring role as a short conifer in the recent Davidson Rubber Spectacular on the Town Hall stage. Over 1,000 people enjoyed the two shows. The breakdown of the first payment on the curtains is as follows:

Farm. Lions Club ………………….. $ 50

Farm. Historical Society…………… $ 100

Farm. Business Association…………$ 100

Farm. Women's Club………………..$ 100

Jim & Beulah Thayer………………..$ 100

Main Street Student Council ………$ 100

Davidson Rubber Social Committee...$ 100

Davidson Rubber Instrument Panel…$ 300

Community Center………………… $ 580

Total $1,530

The second and final installment of $1,150 does not fall due until March ‘87.

The fund is full and runneth over! In fact, more than $80 has been passed along to Trudy for her Christmas baskets. Of this, $20 came from Bob's Garage, $2 from Meaderboro Baskets, $2 from a Foster's reader, and a massive $31 from the Stone Church rock concert appeal. Incidentally, town administrator Bill Fraser, in his other role of rhythm guitar player in A Brief Romance, performed magnificently...styled a mean coat, spun a mean sob story.

A game for all ages, right enough! Spotted recently in the Community Center, blazing away at the puck was Millie Cook (73) of Main Street.